Sometimes it"s hard come gauge message messages. A most stuff gets shed over SMS text airwaves — tone, sarcasm, human body language — and these things are all crucial components of conversation. For instance, when a male calls friend babe end text, does that median he desires to be her boyfriend? when your crush sends out you a winking emoji, does that mean they’re only looking for sex? the not constantly easy come tell even if it is someone wants to date you or just sleep through you, and while texts have the right to tell friend a lot, they can not tell friend everything.

According to author and self-love activist Susan Ball, a human who’s not interested in dating you (but is def interested in sleeping with you) will constantly make recommendations to sex, both v texts and in person. As sphere previously described to elite Daily, "If they space not talking to you around anything other than sex or making advancements on you that are not playful, however outright sexual, they are only interested in one thing.” having a friend through benefits deserve to be pretty awesome, however if you looking to do more than hook up, then below are some indicators the person you’re talking to more than likely isn’t on the exact same page.

They’re intense From The Start

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While it might seem like a good sign when someone tries to gain your relationship to progression quickly, it’s also feasible that person has ulterior motives. If someone is calling girlfriend babe, wanting to present you to your parents, and also talking about the future prior to you’ve also been top top a 3rd date, then chances are they’re much more interested in obtaining you into the bedroom than actually pass you over to your parents’ house. As ball said, if you hear points like, "I"ve never ever met anyone prefer you, baby. We are going come be together forever. Ns love you," too soon after you start seeing someone, climate it is definitely "time come bounce."

Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and also author the The dating Mirror: trust Again, Love Again, agreed, adding that someone who’s trying to find a partnership is likely more willing to take points slow. “When someone is not just interested in sex, they will certainly go at the speed that you feel comfortable with, specifically if it"s slower 보다 their own when it comes to anything physical,” she told elite Daily. However if your day only has actually sex ~ above the brain, climate they’re likely going to be intense v you indigenous the get-go.

They constantly Want To remain In

A human being who’s looking for a partner will want to go the end on dates, however if who only ever before texts you to hang out at your place or theirs, climate they’re probs more interested in acquiring intimate than impressing you. Together Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent couples therapist in Los Angeles, previously told elite Daily, "One indicator is that they text you and only desire to cave at their ar or her place. Typically, they never send a message that says, "Would you choose to go the end for dinner?""

Even if your date is ~ above a budget and also unable come afford high-quality dinners, Dorell claimed someone who desires to date you will certainly make an initiative to carry out something the doesn’t involve near proximity come a bed. “They will normally take you areas away from your home because they space looking to acquire to know you and put some initiative in,” she said. “If all your days are an ext like ‘hang the end at mine house’ invitations, that shows someone who is comfortable putting in minimal initiative to get to know you and also making points as practically for them together possible, generally to gain you right into bed!”

They Send Late-Night Texts

Even more telling that what someone messages you is when (and exactly how often) they text you. Follow to Kali Rogers, dating expert and founder of Blush digital Life Coaching, “Casual flings space repeatedly significant by little to no interaction throughout the week, last-minute plans, team hangs, and also not intermingling through close girlfriend or family members.” If who ghosts you every week only to hit you increase on the weekends, climate you can probably number out whereby you floor on their perform of priorities.

The timestamp that the message can additionally give girlfriend a hint around what they yes, really want. "One note is they message you in ~ odd hours of the day or night and also say "Hey, girlfriend wanna hang out?" or other similar," Dr. Brown previously explained. "Not precisely romantic, and also it is likely they just want sex."

They Only have Surface-Level Convos

If someone is interested in more than sex, climate they’ll make certain you know they’re interested in you. As soon as a date is reluctant to have actually anything beyond superficial conversations, climate it’s typically a sign they’re only in search of a superficial relationship. Together Dorell formerly said, “ they room half-listening come what girlfriend say and may shot to interrupt friend by emotional you or transforming the subject, particularly if the conversation veers into much more emotionally vulnerable territory,” climate they’re most likely not interested in anything beyond sleeping through you.

Claudia Cox, partnership coach and also founder of text Weapon, agreed v Dorell, adding that convos will likely revolve about a couple of key subject if someone only wants to hook up. "Are they only interested in superficial conversations that revolve around your looks, your following hookup, or your sex-related preferences? If it feels prefer they are only telling you what you desire to hear, and also not showing their true selves, then continue with care,” she previously told upstream Daily.

They lug Up Sex at an early stage & Often

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As round said, who who’s just looking to get down and dirty won’t be shy as soon as it concerns the object of sex. If someone who seeking a relationship can be cynical to point out intimacy appropriate away — not wanting to fear you off or do you uncomfortable — a human who just wants come hook up will certainly dive right right into the subject. As founder the Rapport relationship Jennifer Rhodes formerly told upstream Daily, “Anyone that brings increase sex in the first two secs of dating is not serious.”

Even if a day isn’t specifically talking around having sex v you, a human who’s fast to tell you around their sexual past and preferences is typically trying come send a sign. Together Andrea Amour, founder and also dating coach at upgrade Coaching, told upstream Daily, “ "sexcapades" or a stunner orgy stories don"t scream future husband or wife material, for this reason if who is storytelling around kinky stuff, it"s most likely a good sign they don"t see you as ‘future’ material.”

They Can’t store Their Hands off Of You

It might be flattering as soon as the person you’re seeing is all about PDA, but getting handsy can additionally be a sign they don’t want to obtain serious. Follow to Rogers, if "you"re the end together, and they constantly wants to kiss you, rub you, grope you, and tell girlfriend they can"t wait to obtain all naked," then they’re likely simply counting under the secs until you obtain it on. And when that’s every they have the right to think about, then they’re lacking out ~ above actually acquiring to recognize you.

Physical body language is a good way to tell someone you’re interested in them, such as sitting next to someone, poignant their eight or hand, or holding eye contact. But if who is doing too much of this too soon — or never ever not emotional you — climate you have the right to usually break up their attention is 100% physical. “When someone"s doing a the majority of these, plus touching more intimate body parts like her legs or her face, it says your day is searching for something an ext sooner fairly than later,” Amour formerly explained.

They speak They’re Not trying to find Anything Serious

Believe that or not, world who no interested in gaining into a connection will typically tell girlfriend from the start — and also while you may think you can readjust their mind, you typically can’t. “Most civilization are yes, really clear about their expectations acquiring into miscellaneous new,” Rogers said. “It"s not uncommon for someone to say, "I"m not searching for anything serious," ~ above a first date.” If you are trying to find something serious (or at the very least something much more than sex), climate you most likely want to get out prior to you get hurt.

There’s nothing wrong with having actually a relationship based upon sex if it is what you’re right into right now. But if you hoping because that something more, then you’ll want to keep an eye the end for these an extremely telling signs.


Susan Ball, author and also self-love activist

Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The date Mirror: trust Again, Love Again